i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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