i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
