I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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