Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
