All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
