I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
