Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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