People in love make me want to vomit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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