he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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