how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
