She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
