if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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