mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
