New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
