THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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