She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
