When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
