Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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