2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
