WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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