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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
