Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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