My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
