Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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