New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
