Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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