Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
