Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
