So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, if Iām not getting dick or sleep then Iām not interested.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He sang the chorus to āInside of youā by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnāt even be mad, that probably took talent
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