that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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