I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
