you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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