some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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