pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
