This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
