Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
