Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
