Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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