I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
