Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
