She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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