when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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