yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
