He asked me if I "almost moaned"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
