mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
