remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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