I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
