You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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