I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
