bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
