You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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