onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
