Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
as a side note pls kill me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
