yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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