JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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