Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
