I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
