You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
