she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
