Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
