The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
