if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
