I wish I could teleport
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
