what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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