I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
