I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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