Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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