Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's always time for handjobs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
