the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
