dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
