then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
