So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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